30 Places of Healing for Trauma

This is the companion of my earlier post, Trauma of Abuse: The Silent Chaos.

Photo by Jermaine Ulinwa on Pexels.com

My desperate search to resolve the silent chaos of trauma led to little healing and mostly re-injury, by telling my story to people who were clueless about emotional pain. Eventually I found healing in unexpected places. May they help you and yours.

  1. Change your perspective
  2. Separate from the abusers
  3. Consider calling the police
  4. Do not work to get reconciliation
  5. Therapists are wonderful
  6. Practice The Healing Code
  7. Two offbeat therapies
  8. Create something
  9. Tell compassionate people your story
  10. Caution: Retelling can re-injure
  11. Writing
  12. Create a circle of wonderful input
  13. Get outdoors
  14. Rescue Remedy
  15. Apologize to yourself
  16. Give compassion
  17. Understand the cycle of abuse
  18. Forgiving is a big deal
  19. Apologize to others
  20. Talk to God
  21. Let God renew your self-talk
  22. Tell God thank you
  23. Choosing to suffer on another’s behalf
  24. Name those you’ve suffered for
  25. Name who has suffered at your hand
  26. Pray for those who abuse you
  27. Ask God for Joy
  28. Help abused people heal
  29. Protect yourself
  30. Speak up

1. Changing perspective, switching from victim to powerful, is the greatest theme to finding healing from trauma. Make it your goal. Abuse is shocking and can stall us for a lifetime. To resurrect and go forward with life is a complicated process, taking time and money. But, new ways are available. All these places for healing can change perspective.

2. Separate from the abusers. Don’t walk away, run. You’ve seen first-hand what they don’t yet see about themselves, but will eventually. Separation ends the abuse. If others around you buy into their deception, get away from them, too, as birds of a feather flock together. The longer you are away, the clearer their abusive tactics become. Only go near them if they come clean and apologize.

3. Consider calling the police. A police call escalates the offense and gets a firm report on the books, especially if the abuser is presently wishy washy about their wrongdoing. It also gives you solid protection as the abuser knows you’ll call if it happens again. You can choose to press charges or not. Call to nip it in the bud and protect yourself in the future.

4. Do not work to get reconciliation unless you are willing to fight for it. People are funny… and blind. Harming others is a way of life for some humans. They rarely thank you for pointing out the very thing they work so hard to hide, even from themselves (pompous wrongdoing), and even though admitting their wrongdoing could be life-changing for them. Some people won’t think twice about making you the bad guy for their rottenness.

For abusers, it seems ignoring or fighting their victim is a whole lot easier than facing the humility of correcting their bad behavior. People often take-on their victims (sometimes in court) … and they rarely apologize, as we’ve seen from the #MeToo court battles. Seeking reconciliation (or justice) can take traumatizing to a whole new level. Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life (Matthew 1:23). Search your abuser for clues to see if they could be humble enough to admit their-bad. Otherwise, stay away.

5. Therapists are wonderful, of course. Programs exist to help with the cost, and God directs through financial provision. Support groups are yet another gift. Search online or call a hotline. Be sure yours does specialized therapies for trauma. QNRT, and EMDR are the two I know of that are non-invasive and work without the side effects of drugs.

6. Practice The Healing Code, by doctors Alexander Loyd and Ben Johnson—it has worked well for me. If images haunt you and therapists fall short, with a little dedication, this can remove them. It saved me from my nightmare haunted sleeplessness and lessened my triggers.

7. Two offbeat therapies helped me. I love Integrative Manual Therapy by Sharon Giammatteo (in her book Body Wisdom), and use it daily to calm my organs and for health maintenance. Also, Micro Point Stimulation has served my traumatized brain well with it’s reset protocol for trauma. Search out therapists (PT, OT) who use them, or learn the systems yourself for a lifetime of health.

8. Create something. Creativity gave me dramatic, new perspective like nothing else. From inside a camera lens, healing was fun and gave a new view of the trauma. It switched out, magnified, and framed in my brain the memory of the good life that lived on the fringes of the bad. Dancing, music, painting, making things, decorating, organizing, and blogging has called me from the mire, too. It works deep, fast, and amazing. To create life heals us. Try your own art-form to birth a beautiful story from hideous ashes.

9. Tell compassionate people your story. Work to get the pain out of your body by telling others. It helps to verbally process the event and gives us a growing perspective. However …

10. Caution: Retelling equals re-injury if the hearer is not intently listening and not taking action. Why tell if nothing changes? Why tell if you’re injured again by a trusted person’s rotten response? Get a good read before exposing your pain and vulnerability.

11. Writing can order confused thoughts and emotions, easing the inner chaos. Write like a news reporter or with the intent to say goodbye, and get it behind you. This blog gives me further healing, but bringing other places of healing into the battle multiplies progress.

12. Create a circle of wonderful input (friends, acquaintances, pets, books, blogs, social media, and TV) that builds kindness into your world. Soak it up. People have delightful humor, creativity, and kindness that speaks life, understanding, and happiness into you. Dive in and swim a while.

13. Get outdoors. Enjoy beauty, sunshine, and movement (even swinging). The earth has healing effects (the wind in our face) and grounds us. (I Corinthians 10:26) Walking outdoors is a welcome time to tell God what’s on your heart. It’s a holy sanctuary of tender honesty and discussion with the One who cares the most. He’ll give insight and act on your behalf.

14. Rescue Remedy (a Bach Flower Remedy) is a flower mixture used for any crisis, physical or emotional. It helped me through horrific days, taking the edge off so I could pretend to function like normal. Households benefit from this first-aid.

15. Apologize to yourself. Abuse can bring shame and sadness that people hated you enough to thoroughly degrade you and poison themselves. The abuse was wrong and we may be afraid to admit it to ourselves. I could have stood up for myself or called 911. I’m sorry I didn’t. I am God’s child and worth protecting and defending. I’m sorry.

16. Give compassion to ourselves. It mends us. It’s ok, friend. This is anguish, it’s abominable, and it makes me want to vomit for what I have endured. I treasure me and am so sorry this happened to me at the hands of such blind, self-absorbed people. Hug yourself and rock awhile. Be kind to yourself.

17. Understand the cycle of abuse. Abused people seem to abuse people. What did they suffer in life to justify what they did to me? They have no excuse for abusing others and could have dealt with their trauma and fought the enslavement, but didn’t. Perhaps the pile of abuse began as young children, causing lifelong blindness. If God is not sought, and they are not reborn into God’s companionship, the chances are slim they can overcome the incessant sin.

18. Forgiving abusers is a big step and can go on for a lifetime. Forgiveness is deciding not to hold their offense against them and retaliate, especially since they sin differently from me. Forgiving sets you free. God gives us treasures in His Word to help us forgive. Cling to them in your process.

C.S. Lewis says that trying to forgive is forgiveness. Just practice when it hits you, I forgive you, I forgive you…, times a hundred. Your life will follow your words, little by little. Forgiving comes in bits, but adding it together equals forgiving and inclines your heart over time.

19. Apologize to others. Some people may have been injured from your responses to them during your abuse, and you had no idea. If you were rude, it’s worth a discussion and a simple apology for your part. You can easily own your-bad, since you are now accustomed to humbleness. A clear conscience is a breath of fresh air, and brings life.

20. Talk to God. Dig deep into your pain each day and tell Him all you find there. The bad stuff exposed to the light is what He’s after. Anger never threatens Him. He is the one, kind, lover of our souls who delivers us from evil. He sees us, hears us, and acts on our behalf. He invites our tender intimacy. Ask Him to come in and walk with you through the rocky steps of recovering. Before you realize it, He will put your hinds feet on high places. (Psalm 18:33)

21. Let God renew your self-talk. Take chair-time to be still and listen to Him. He speaks in many ways (through people, Jesus, nature, experiences, pain, conversation), but He primarily speaks through His writings, the Bible. His word is Jesus. If you want first-hand truth and love, read it, memorize it. Carry Bible verses in your pocket to glance at throughout your day. It will morph your broken pieces into wholeness. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13) Get a Bible in print (resale shops, too) so you can mark it up. I like an online free bible app at youversion.com, and study-deep with biblehub.com.

22. Name those you’ve suffered for (list them). As odd as this may sound, there seems an element of suffering that shows we do so for others’ benefit. The list of those we suffer for can include parents, siblings, spouses, children, best friends, clerks, narcissistic leaders, power-hungry coworkers, soggy Christians, Christ’s church, and more. List yours.

Suffering is universal. Pain brings compassion and understanding. We become like Jesus — Take up your cross daily, and follow me (Matthew 16:24). Those we suffer for eventually come face to face with God. God sees the situation and works justice in them, whether for redemption or condemnation—they decide. They can learn about His loving discipline, and their sinfulness. We experience firsthand some of the pain Jesus endured for our wrongs by enduring another’s wrongs (sins). It completes Christ’s work on the cross in us, pays that work forward to others, and brings the cross of history into present-time, making it tangible.

23. Choosing to suffer on another’s behalf is hidden inside forgiveness. If I suffer to bring Christ’s love and redemption into the world, so be it. It reverses the wickedness and turns it into good. Jesus suffered and died for all. When we suffer, we become a type of Jesus for the history books of heaven.

24. Name who’s suffered at your hand. Besides Jesus suffering to pay for your sin, others have suffered and paid for your thoughtlessness and perhaps abuse. Who has cried over your piece-of-work in their life. When have you offended, retaliated, tricked, lied, put down, harmed, controlled, judged, and not kept your word to others, with inconsideration and selfishness? God will name them with you. When you know you’ve caused pain, at least apologize to God.

25. Pray for those who abuse you. Pray this prayer. Dear God, please forgive them because they apparently have no idea what they are doing. Show them somehow, let them admit it, and heal them by Christ’s tender heart of love that has healed mine. Keep them from harming others. Let me never do what they have done. May they know you firsthand, for Jesus’ sake. Amen.

26. Try telling God thank you for your suffering. Dig up the reasons. Trust there’s a golden thread of good hidden in the fabric of trauma, drastically changing perspective. Thankfulness is extreme faith in the midst of horrific suffering and is affectionate to God. When we put trauma in the rear view mirror and see it as a gift that shapes our lives for doing good, it deflates the abuser’s power, and puts God back in the driver’s seat, trusted and dependable with our lives. Our story is unique to us in history and is worth gratefulness. Daily thanksgiving has been my greatest ally in suffering.

27. Ask God for Joy. I’ve found the profound sadness we carry from trauma can only be conquered by God. Nothing I did brought joy back, except God’s gift of it. It makes the day new, and the light shine again. Pray for His deep abiding joy for others, too.

28. Help abused people heal. One purpose for trauma and suffering is to grow compassion in our souls. Serving others in trauma heals us and them, brings good from rottenness, and makes us like Jesus. We become like the Good Samaritan in present-time. Our dry bones are risen from the dead, and exchanged for new life that can change the world.

If you are listening to someone’s abusive story, you can be a healing force for them. Let them know how awful, terrible, stupid, painful, abusive, narcissistic, and wretched their situation is. Agree with their pain and help them put names to it. Kind listening defuses the power of evil that trauma holds. Encourage truth, and any of these places of healing for them. Be thoughtful: remember them, pray for them, speak life into them, laugh with them, and do something tangible to help them. Connect often to check up on them.

29. Protect yourself. You know the signs of abuse. Stand up for yourself on every side. When a line is crossed, kindly push back and hold to your, No, you aren’t going to hurt me, whether you say it or not. Even kindness is a confrontation. Create distance and self respect. Practice your responses. It stinks you’re having a bad day. Try that again with a kind voice. Do you really want to start a fight? When you come to your senses, I’ll talk to you.

30. Speak up. When you see narcissism (control freaks), call it out. It’s rampant today in people, companies, hospitals, schools, churches, and everywhere. When you say no, you are exposing them and they tend to pay attention, but they won’t like it. They may not be your friends, but they will taste their limits. The world may change, because you have.

How we navigate trauma can bring peaceful, free living. Resolving it gives us understanding, and new ways to create life in our world. Purpose is the icing.

We know that in all things God works for good with those who love him, those whom he has called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Published by R.B. Estry

Rosemary is a professional down-sizer, caregiver, teacher, and health nut. She helps overcome the traps of daily living in order to embrace the freedom of creating life for today. She dances for inspiration, adores God, and longs for all people to find their flair and become all they were originally intended to be.

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